July 7, 2005
Quirk
My old friend, colleague, and sometime mentor, Canon P D Quirk, called the other day and before I could hardly say hello, asked, “Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington and track her calves right to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country? Maybe we should give them all a cow.”
Hardly taking a breath, he said, “They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it’s worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.”
I was about to agree, when he asked, “Do you know the real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You can’t post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, and Thou Shall Not Bear False Witness in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!”
When he finally ended with a quote from George Carlin, I knew he was not only enjoying his retirement, but had expanded his interests, as well. “Boy,” he said Carlin said, “I feel a lot safer now that Martha Stewart’s behind bars. O J Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her off to jail.”
Before hanging up, he asked if I was still writing the foolishness with the name that sounded like a mantra. What could I say?