April 5, 2006
Carnations
In one of my previous carnations and for lack of anything else to do, I taught something called business math in our town’s two-year technological college. The thirty students who took the course were to have taken and passed high school algebra. I took the registrar’s word that this was so.
My credentials to teach this course were wandering, but, I thought, impressive. I was certified in celestial navigation as a naval aviator back in the Great Middle War. I had a minor in math on my master’s degree in geology. The only course I flunked in high school was algebra. I was prepared.
But I was not prepared for the day a student asked me why we use terms like “multiply” and “divide” when we could just as well use “times it” and “under it.” When I couldn’t think of any reason why not, I realized I was losing whatever zeal of approval I may have had.
I suppose we don’t have to worry yet about there being any literacy pandemic. I’ve a good friend who’s darn near killing herself serving on our town’s school board trying to do something about this, as thankless a job as one can imagine. Our village is simply not in to raising children. Most of our wealthy send their kids and their money to private schools to train our leaders and then complain about the public school budget all along for it’s only to train their followers.
The latest thing the schools have sanctioned for lack of money is abolishing anything in the curriculum that even looks like the humanities. They’ve even just now thrown out phys ed, as well. I can’t even imagine that the abolition of high school football might be right around the corner (and not because of no more Philosophy 101 or bands to play at half time).
Outsourcing is the current vogue, so why not also outsource our schools? It would probably be cheaper to fly all these kids to Bangladesh where they at least teach English well enough to say, “Please hold. This call may be monitored in order to improve our efficiency.”