July 21, 2006

Hackers

The Homeland Security Department people are looking for “cyber crime analysts.” Apparently, the terrorists are more than well-equipped with nerds who’d understandably rather hack, say, the computer systems of NASDAQ’s markets and throw our finances into even more disarray than to throw themselves into super markets wearing dynamite corsets. Seventy-two trophy virgins probably have little attraction for nerds, anyhow, when one would do. So, HSD needs some people who can head off this specialized terrorist threat at Cyber Pass.

Problem is that so many children have been left behind in our educational systems that there are never enough qualified counter-hackers to match or even dampen the risk, let alone speak and read Arabic or whatever. Then, not only those who are left behind deplete the ranks, but those who aren’t and who become school dropouts, seeming to prefer shelving bottled water at WalMart. And then, there’s always the brain drain, the bright guys and gals going overseas for better jobs and offshore tax advantages.

Strikes me that the very economy so threatened by all these possibilities might be the very source to meet the challenge. We need somehow to pressure the administration with all that largesse we’ve gained from corporate welfare to legalize some aliens rather than just to build walls that don’t keep them out, anyway.

And we might specially focus on those aliens who might be potential cyber terrorists. If we could get them to become cyber capitalists, instead, surely they’d better understand our quaint and, to them, alien ways. They might even join the Baptist Church. Homeland security, indeed.

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