August 30, 2006
Al-gebra
Incidental Plagiarism:
A public school teacher was arrested at an airport as he attempted to board a flight. He had in his possession a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
“Al-gebra is a problem for us,” the AG said. “It desires solutions by means and extremes and sometimes goes off on tangents in search of absolute value. It uses secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refers to them as ‘unknowns.’ We have determined, however, that the Al-gebra belong to a common denominator of a mediaeval axis with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles often said, ‘There are three sides to every triangle.’”
When asked for comment on the arrest, an administration spokesman said, “If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”