July 31, 2007

Emeritus

I’ve been rector of only two parishes. One’s now a cathedral, the other’s a funeral home. The rest of the time I was a carefree chaplain of a college or something or other. Oh, the fond memory and glory of it.

But every once in a while, when an OoN correspondent signs off as “rector emeritus” of somewhere, I realize I’ve never been the emeritus of anything. Even the piano player on our band is an emeritus professor of theology from a reputable divine school. But not I, just the cornet player, hardly a qualification for emeritus, unless maybe Bix.

Then there are clergy — bishops and even priests — who get a building or a classroom or a hall or a columbarium or something named after them, even while they’re still alive. I know one guy who left more or less under a cloud, but who they named something after, anyhow, maybe just to remind themselves how glad they were he was gone.

And then there are the medics — and even baseball players — who get diseases or injuries named for them. That doesn’t seem like much of an honor to me, especially some of the shadier maladies, and certainly one I could easily dispense with. I was talking to one of our nurse-trainers at rehab the other day and asked how they’d like to have a disease named after them. They didn’t seem much to like the idea, either.

The question continued to annoy me, though, especially when I realized it was actually piquing my vanity. It was too late and I too long in the tooth ever to get a building or even a storeroom or a trash compacter with my name on it and, of course, I’m not eligible for any diseases, and my injuries are too common place. So what?

Then it dawned on me, being a parson and all, I could maybe have a sin named after me. Not one of the deadlies that are already spoken for, but just maybe like a white lie, there could also be a white sin sort of like a junior grade venial. Heaven knows that in my case there’d be lots of possibilities, both public and private, but I have no plans of listing them here.

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