October 23, 2007
Cards
In order totally to waste over an accumulated forty-four hours and heaven only knows how many before my computer started counting, I’ve won 135 of its solitaire games and lost 1,216 for a batting average of .111 with a current streak of thirteen zips at bat, a best streak of four wins, an average score of eleven out of a possible fifty-two, and an average playing time of two minutes per game. My muse reminded me that they call this game solitaire obviously because no fool would be caught doing it in public.
Gerald May, the shrink, says that addiction is any compulsive, habitual behavior that limits the freedom of human choice (Addiction and Grace, Harper & Row, p 24). Our Judaeo-Christian tradition claims that being free to choose is what being human is all about. Addiction cripples freedom, especially the freedom to choose, says May. Maybe addiction has something to do with our becoming human?
Human becoming is what God has in mind for us. You fill in the gaps. Thinking like this is uncomfortable, but it simply has to be done if St Augustine is ever to be anywhere near correct in his depraved notion of our depravity and St Siggie is to be frustrated. Fortunately, I am not at all sure that God thinks we’re so depraved as we are just plain limited and vain and self-centered going around with some crazy notion that God loves us in spite.
That reality-for-me gets me off the inordinate guilt hook more often than not. Especially whenever I stop by to check to see if the solitaire application is still there. There was a time, though, when my addiction had a larger umbrella that included more than merely manipulating playing cards. I suppose that periodic reminder does open the channel for grace now and then. Moving cards rather than cars around for sure hasn’t caught the attention of the DUI people yet.
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Thanks for that definition of addiction. I am a substance abuse counselor and sometimes ask my clients what they think that I wish for them in our work. Most often they say “That I will quit using alcohol/drugs.” I tell them no, that is their choice, my job is to help them get to where they can freely choose what they are going to do. JM
Comment by Joan Mistretta — October 24, 2007 @ 8:24 am