February 27, 2008

Oscar

OoN’s west coast stringer reports the rumor that Oscar de la Renta, Oscar Hammerstein II, and Oscar Wilde or their estates or whatever will shortly file a class-action suit against Hollywood.

It is alleged that the recent 80th annual motion picture awards festival is not only a continuing travesty against their historic name, but even more importantly and especially that it is eight decades behind in royalty payments. The suit will argue that never mind how glitzy, gold-plated, or statuesque the industry may attempt to cover up this endeavor, they have yet made of it a grotesque caricature of their honored professions.

Research by their staff librarians on Google reveals that “Oscar” is of Old English origin having precious little to do with Hollywood’s “presumptuous” use of it. The name may as well have a possible Gaelic root in “os cara.” Napoleon thought well enough of it to give it to his godson, who later ascended to the throne of Sweden as Oskar I, thus giving the name even more historical rootage and significance.

The 1990 US Census shows that Oscar is a very popular male first name and surname, as well. It was commonly revived by 18th century literary use, hence, its logical recovery by the claimants who hope by their own celebrious use of it thus to expand their reasons for class action litigation.

Late broken news also informs us that Oscar the Grouch and the entire Sesame Street cast, writers, and producers are consulting with their attorneys.

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